Nowadays, a lot more couples are finding some wiggle room from the “traditional” roles of planning a wedding. Some guys are getting much more involved and enjoying the ride with their significant other. However, there are still plenty of grooms following the mold of the grooms that came before them and expecting the bride to take most of the heavy lifting. Truth be told, there are a lot of brides glad to be in control as well. However, we can’t do it alone, so we have to make sure that we’re encouraging our husbands-to-be that they’re pulling their weight. If he’s not entirely sure how he can help, these tips might help.
Know what not to ask of him
If your guy is more of a traditional man, then there are going to be some aspects of it that simply will not work for him. More guys are going to wedding fairs than ever before, but it’s still very much a woman-centric kind of event. There’s a good chance he will be bored beyond belief by it. If he doesn’t have strong feelings about the décor, then don’t expect him to be part of the decision-making panel. Just because he doesn’t seem to have input on the smaller details doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about the wedding. Even if he’s not entirely taken by the motif on the napkins you’ve chosen, he can still be helped for deciding between two floral arrangements that you need some input on. Direct questions will work to keep him involved.
Share a planner
At the start, find your wedding to-do list and start splitting the duties. There are some he may naturally gravitate towards and some you might find yourself inclined to take on. For instance, he might find himself more suited to finding wedding entertainment selections for the both of you to peruse. Once you’ve split the duties nicely, make sure you put them all on a wedding planning timeline and consult it often. Keep one another accountable by checking in progress without having to micromanage. Show a little trust and assure yourself he wants the wedding to go as smoothly as you do.
Get him suited and booted
You might be very inclined to control every aspect of how the wedding looks, but be well aware that choosing his suit and his groomsmen’s attire is very much his realm of control. That said, if you feel like he’s shuffling his feet some, you can check places like chookhare.com for more information or examples of what he should be looking for. Help him find where to get started but let him have all the final choices. It may very well be that he wants your input and, if so, offer it. But most grooms are more than comfortable with making sure they look sharp for the big day.
Pesky wedding politics
The aspects that involve the guests of the wedding are very much going to have to be a joint wedding. Just as you are responsible for all your choices on the guest list, he’s responsible for his. Be aware that there might be some big discrepancies, too. For instance, you might find yourself focusing mainly on close and extended family while he might leave a little more room for old college friends, or vice versa. Everyone has different criteria for who they consider the most important friends in their life. Herecomestheguide.com has some tips for helping narrow down the guest list, but it’s a process that must involve both of you.
To each, their own
The families are likely going to get more involved in the wedding as time goes on (sometimes too involved for your liking). He’s going to have to control the “PR” on his side. He’s responsible for chasing the RSVPs for all his guests, for taking dietary restrictions and travel needs for his family members into account, and so on. It’s a good idea to get him involved in helping to set up a pre-wedding meet and greet if your families don’t know one another, as well. Each half of the couple has to be responsible for the family and their role in the wedding. Especially if there’s some conflict. If you feel like his sister is pushing into the planning too much, it’s his responsibility to ask her to ease off, not yours. Hopefully, it doesn’t get that far, but it often does.
Move those feet
In some weddings and couples, it doesn’t take precedence as much, but the dancing at the wedding is still a huge deal for some couples. If you don’t want to make a show of yourself during your first dance, then getting both of you prepared to make some moves might be a preparation worth making. In that case, you have to get him on board with lessons. Check out themainlineballroom.com for an example of the different lessons available. If you can dance, but he’s got two left feet, attend with him so he has a partner that he’s more comfortable learning with.
Being there for you
Weddings are stressful and demanding and they can often take up more time in the day than you would like. It can get in the way of actually enjoying the build-up. You should be there supporting one another and making time for the relationship, not just the wedding. Plan for the occasional lazy day in or budget day trip on the weekend. Say “I love you” often and set aside time for affection. You can both be great at healing all the stress and strain of the planning process. Clear communication and focus on the relationship are also going to solve a lot of the potential pre-wedding arguments before they even occur, as well. Maybe not 100% of them, but few relationships are 100% bicker-free.
Weddings should be a team effort. Handle too much yourself and the stress of the burden might be so great that the day feels like more of a relief than a celebration. Don’t let that happen.